i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
