a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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