the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
