If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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