She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
