He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
