I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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