I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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