Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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