We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
