My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
