My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
