Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
