omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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