I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
