ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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