Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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