Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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