wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
