You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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