So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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