he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
