call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
