Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
