Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
