We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
