She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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