first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
