Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
