He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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