Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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