so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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