if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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