Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
