Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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