the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
