if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
