I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
organizing the empties. That sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
