You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize