Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
