She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
