Tell her she can't have a vagina
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
