I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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