my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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