it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
