i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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