dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
