Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
