No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
