Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
