Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
