They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize