my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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