he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
