Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
