He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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