her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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