We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
