we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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