Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
