What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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