i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
