I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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