I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
