Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
