his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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