"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
