Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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