She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I puked a lego.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're a waste of cheezeits
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
