i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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