Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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