I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
